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Turning negatives into positives…

Nearing the age of sixty, looking forward to a secure retirement in the beautiful Welsh countryside and an enviable lifestyle of adventurous holidays while dancing triple-step and lindy-hop-fashion into old age, it was a violent kick to the stomach when I found myself sleeping alone in a furnitureless, city centre apartment. There was no working heating system and there was nothing more than an electric cooker and two kitchen stools. I slept in a sleeping bag on an airbed in 0°C temperatures, and it was just two days after watching my beautiful mother slip away in front of my eyes. No human being should ever have to endure the kind of torment that was forced upon me in December 2017.

When I say, “forced upon me,” I suppose that I had some element of choice. When I say, “choice,” I mean that a decision had to be made by me, and by me alone. In theory, I had two choices, but in practice, there was only one choice. I played no part in the events that led up to this, other than to watch in horror as my world was cruelly and vindictively ripped apart into tiny shreds by just one person, devoid of any compassion, when I needed nothing more than a little support. Support, in situations like this, is a “given”. Anything other than this should not be a consideration – not even in the slightest way. Standing on the edge of a blazing ship, looking out into a raging, storm-swept sea with no land in sight, I made my choice. Looking back was not an option. Therefore, was it really a choice? Not knowing where and when, or even if ever, I would reach dry land, I embarked upon the darkest and most tortuous episode of my life.

I’ve now reached dry land. It took a long time. That doesn’t mean that all is now well. This is just the beginning. As I write this, it is Friday 13th March, 2020. I’m not superstitious. Superstition is nonsense. I know this, and I spit in the eye of superstition. If you really think about it, and the effects it has on people, it is actually bad luck to be superstitious. It is a great day to be turning negatives into positives. Any day is a great day to be turning negatives into positives. Therefore, any day, including Friday 13th of any month, can be turned into a great day if I choose to do so.

My story is about being thrust, by actions beyond my control, into a long period of deep, dark depression. And rather than focus on the darkness for its own sake, I intend to use my experience of the lonely journey through the shadows to help others to learn about depression, and to encourage people to talk about it in an unashamed manner; to accept that it’s ok to not be ok.

In 2009, I survived a brain haemorrhage. After brain surgery twice, whilst awake, I made a full recovery (well, more or less). I went on to write a book about my illness which has been used as reading material for student nurses at two UK universities, drove Route 66 from Chicago to Los Angeles, learned to dance and completed the London Marathon to mark my 10th “brainaversary”. Therefore, I am no stranger to turning negatives into positives. One thing that I’m beginning to learn about myself is that I seem to thrive on opportunities to do so. Whilst trying to stay afloat on my journey from the burning ship in the treacherous seas to the security of dry land, turning negatives into positives was a tall order – it was all about survival. But I’m now switched-on, fired-up and ready make these last two years of hell worth their while by helping as many people as possible to understand depression, and to help those suffering with it to find some tools to ease their burden. I don’t speak as a medical expert in the matter, but I know I have many things to offer. Please look out for my forthcoming blogs on this subject, and whatever random thoughts come to my mind…

Mark D Pritchard